2/28/2006

 

Give and Take

Thought I'd spend a few moments to acknowledge and address some of the comments I've dug up around the Web about the blog. I'll do more as time permits.

First off, I'd like to thank everyone who offers prayers, links to the blog, words of encouragement and hope. These intangibles are more meaningful than you think, and more appreciated than you know.

Some people want to know why I'm blogging instead of focusing on the problem of securing housing and work. The short answer is, I am. Anyone who blogs a lot knows that it doesn't take a lot of time, plus, I am a quite fast typist. Also, I blog wheneever I have a spare moment. Most of my day right now is filled with searching for work, keeping appointments, meeting with people and agencies that can help, and taking care of personal business that doesn't fall into any of the above categories. But I'm not "on" all the time, so I try to keep people abreast. Rest assured, however, my family and my problems come first. Think about it: are any of you at work 24/7, other than emergency personnel, that is?

I also blog because if I can help just one person out of their own personal hell with a well-timed piece of advice, or a point to a heretofore-unknown resource, or just the knowledge that someone else is in it too, then I'll consider the time well spent.

Some have asked about the Beast. He's just a personification of my depression, doubts and fears rolled up into one diabolical jackass that comes lumbering to the fore from time to time. It's just easier to describe him as a Beast because, well, he acts like one, ready to pounce and tear my feelings to shreds at any unguarded moment.

Several people have offered donations in various ways. I certainly have no problem accepting donations (like a lot of people), but bear in mind that I'm not the only person in this mess, and there are many fine organizations around the country that could use your help much more. I do have a paypal account, but I hadn't used it in a long time, so it's still being set up. Along that line, several have asked if there is a way to get hold of me privately. My e-mail address is cybermancer2k1@hotmail.com. Put something in the subject line that lets me know you're "legit" so I'll know to reset the spam filter for you.

One commenter wondered how I could get paid through Yahoo Clicks if I had no home. Actually, until I read that comment, I'd forgotten I'd even signed up for it. It was offered when I signed up with Blogger and I thought "what the hey, it's another potential few bucks when it's needed, so I signed up.

Several people wanted to see a copy of my skillset. I'm still looking for a way to post my resume to the Web without triggering a flood of cranks and spam. Anyone who knows of a good job in the Triad, NC area, just ping me at the above e-mail.

Lastly, there are those who think I'm just bitching or whining, or wanting publicity. I've never been one to seek the limelight (it's rather uncomfortable for me now) and as for bitching and whining -- there are far more elegant ways. Rather, as I've said before, I'm trying to break stereotypes. I'm not an alcoholic, or a beggar, or shiftlessly sitting around. I'm actually making progress (even if you can't see it) and hopefully someday soon I'll be in a position to reach down and grasp someone's hand to pull them up -- not use the anonymity of the Web to callously slap their face.

I will not apologize, however, for being a registered and proud Democrat. No one apologized for being a Republican when Clinton -- the greatest president since JFK -- was in office, so why should I be made to feel ashamed of my heroes?

Comments:
With regards to the comments of you blogging instead of looking for work/residence; I feel that blogging is utilizing another resource. Look at the response you've gotten from it. It could potentially land you a job and/or relieve some financial burden via donations. My 1.25 cents (higher tax bracket).
 
I found you through a personal finance blog. I hope that you can get back on your feet and move forward. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be in your shoes.

I'm struck by the fact that this has given you a voice. I think back to all the years of walking past the homeless on the street when they were asking for money. Most people won't even acknowledge that the homeless person exists. I used to imagine what it would be like to, in a sense, be invisible. At least this way, you can be heard.

I'll say a prayer for you. Good luck!
Hazzard
 
I found you through Blogger Buzz, and I have to say I spent my entire lunch hour reading about your plight. I don't think you're out for the limelight, instead I think you are becoming somewhat of a hero yourself. You are opening the eyes of the eyeless masses and thrusting the fact the homelessness is a problem and poorly taken care of, right into their face. I commend you for being able to share your troubles with the world, and hopefully that light at the end of the tunnel will help you through your current state.

And kuddos for not apologizing for who you believe in. Everyone has the right to believe in anyone. People shouldn't judge based on anothers beliefs or in this case the current state of living. I wish you all the best and remember - nothing is as bad as it seems, you're alive aren't you.

;)
 
Sir, I commend you. I admire the strength and voice you've found. Anyone who has gone through something like this (personally or via someone close to them) knows the frustration, doubt, depression, helplessness, and fear you blog about. I truly believe you will DO something through this experience. I also believe this will be temporary for you, but will make you and your family stronger. Thank you for the insight to homelessness you've given me. I will continue to read your blog, pray for you, and will keep my eyes open for jobs in the Charlotte area for you.
 
I could write a comment that would wind up being longer than your whole blog, but I'll try to keep this short... Also, this can be taken two different ways, but it know that, with your intelligence, you will take it as it's meant... Positively!

I have read your entire blog and all of the comments, and there is one thing missing that is the KEY to changing your situation, and that is: The Solution. Sounds like something that is obvious, and any reply comments will all revolve around that one little word, except actually providing one! So, let me be the first person to provide you with your solution... You. Let me explain...

Go back and re-read all of your posts again. First thing I noticed is that you mentioned was how you were successful in your career and your intelligence. You know what you did to be a successful graphic artist, right? Then what did you do to become an unsuccessful one? Your intelligence enabled you to get that successful job, right? Why does your intelligence disable you now in trying to get a new one? You gave the answer in one of your other posts, and it boils down to this: While everything around you changed over the years, you've stayed the same.

Secondly, I will probably be the only person to say this, but remember this: You ARE just like the other homeless people you meet now, you just look different. Homeless is homeless... If you have no job, have no house, no car, etc., then you're just like the that no job, no house, no car, etc. homeless woman you spoke about in your other post. Again, the only difference is that you might be cleaner, better dressed, etc than she is, but other than that, you're situation is the same. It's an interesting mindset, actually, because on one hand you refuse to be "homeless like them", yet a big fear of yours is going on a job interview hoping the interviewer doesn't think you're homeless! The second you realize (or convince yourself!) that you are homeless, irregardless of your outward appearance, then when you go on your next interview, you can focus on what enabled you to get those successful jobs before.

Third, I hate to break this to not only you but all the other posters who've said this, but unfortunately you are NOT helping out the homeless. Again, you've answered this question also in one of your posts, and that is the fact that YOU DO NOT FIT THE HOMELESS PROFILE that we all have. You're getting noticed because, again, you're outside the perception of the "lazy, drunk, wants to be there" homeless person we all have. Do you think the newspapers would have come knocking at your door if you were unkempt, smelly, scruffy, etc.? Honestly, you know they wouldn't. But, you actually are in an EXCELLENT position right now to do so. I can give you examples, but this is getting long enough!

Finally, just remember this, and hopefully you'll understand and take it from there...

You know how you made money and you know how you lost money, so you know what you need to do and what you need to avoid in changing your situation. The great things you've said and done in your life are still with you. Use that to change your situation, also. After all, you've done it before...
 
If it seems like my post just rambles on and on, I apologize... Sometimes it's hard for me to write as fast as the thoughts running through my head. If it is, let me know and I'll try to clean it up a bit!
 
I think any advice at the moment is something you have heard more than once at this point.I hope things will work out.Try showcasing your work in the blog,and start freelancing.
 
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"Some people want to know why I'm blogging instead of focusing on the problem of securing housing and work. The short answer is, I am. Anyone who blogs a lot knows that it doesn't take a lot of time, plus, I am a quite fast typist. Also, I blog wheneever I have a spare moment. Most of my day right now is filled with searching for work, keeping appointments, meeting with people and agencies that can help, and taking care of personal business that doesn't fall into any of the above categories. But I'm not "on" all the time, so I try to keep people abreast. Rest assured, however, my family and my problems come first. Think about it: are any of you at work 24/7, other than emergency personnel, that is?" --Mike, this quote from your blog articulates well how people are capable of accomplishing many things; unfortunately many people today use too many excuses for not keeping their word or helping others (I hope one day to be as articulate as you are with the written word). I learned long time ago that homelessness could happen to anybody when I heard a story of very educated (and mentally keen) man losing his home. Those with jobs sometimes deny today's limited market. Without my savings and outside help I could easily be on the streets. Meanwhile numberous job openings fail to offer salaries one can get by on. I truly admire your perseverance. You are an exceptionally talented artist and deserve a fantastic job. I enjoyed seeing your wife, sons and daughter in Borders some time ago. Everyone was very friendly toward me. You have not seen me lately in the library because I splurged on a new computer (eMac, not paid off yet). I worked for six months as an office temp and going to the library after work to study for the GRE was too exhausting. My temp assignment ended on February 15 and I am between jobs once again. I wish you and your family all the best and hope things get better soon. You are an extremely grateful person and deserve better circumstances.
 
Referring to your comments on blogging instead of looking for work: I think that blogging is a very healthy activity. It will (and obviously has) helped you to fight "the beast." I'm sure you are doing everything you can to help your family. My advice for the resume is to set up a freewebs account and post it there (or some other free hosting service). You can create pages to showcase your work, etc. It is all driven by templates and ease of use, so you should be able to set it up easily. As far as worry from spam, etc, I have kept my online resume on my site for months and havn't had any problems. If you want to see an example of what I have done, go to http://www.freewebs.com/ryanbattles
(I hope that this didn't come off as me plugging myself, I just wanted to show you an example if you are serious about putting your resume online).
 
Hey there,

I found your blog via Blogger Buzz and spent a few minutes at work looking through your blog...and felt convicted that I was being a poor employee when I did so. Here I am on my fat butt reading stuff online instead of doing what I am paid to do. =O(

So now that I am at home snug in my armchair watching American Idol and reading the blog again, I thought I'd feel better. But I don't. Because I have a home and an armchair and a T.V.

No matter where I turn it keeps hitting me in the face; what you said in the beginning of your journey: "There, but for the grace of God, go I"

I'm blown away by how close I am to the place you are.

An earlier commenter said you are *not* like other homeless people. I don't know, but I think he's wrong.

But I do think you are a lot like me, and that scares the crap out of me. It makes me wonder: If I lost everything, what would I have? How would I respond? I dunno. I really dunno.

Here's another thing though: I think you are, helping people. You're a voice being listened to and a journey being followed. And your following is growing.

I'm looking forward to hearing more of your story as it unfolds, and my prayers are with you.

~ cob
 
I read the comments from Gerard V earlier in my day and declined to respond. I figured there was nothing to be gained from it. I remember the words of my Grandpa. He would say, "don't wrestle with pigs. All that happens is you get dirty and the pig enjoys it". But there comes a time when you can't just let the pigs have their way. I've been stewing about this all day, and finally had to get out of bed to write this response and get it off my mind.

Gerard V wrote: I could write a comment that would wind up being longer than your whole blog, but I'll try to keep this short... Also, this can be taken two different ways, but it know that, with your intelligence, you will take it as it's meant... Positively!


How arrogant and presumptuous can you possibly be. How superior you must feel because you could "write a comment longer than your whole blog". Nobody cares Gerard. If you are looking to impress anyone I suggest you post to your own blog at http://gameprix.blogspot.com/ It looks like it could use some of your superior writing. Any time somebody tells me how I should take something, that person KNOWS how it's going to be taken and they don't care. Like a parent who says things like "You would be so pretty dear if only.... ".

Gerard V wrote: I have read your entire blog and all of the comments, and there is one thing missing that is the KEY to changing your situation, and that is: The Solution. Sounds like something that is obvious, and any reply comments will all revolve around that one little word, except actually providing one! So, let me be the first person to provide you with your solution... You. Let me explain...

Oh yes, please give us THE solution. After all, you've read the entire blog and all the comments, so obviously you have all the information you need because of your superior intellect. I just can't wait to read further for your solution.

Gerard V wrote: Go back and re-read all of your posts again. First thing I noticed is that you mentioned was how you were successful in your career and your intelligence. You know what you did to be a successful graphic artist, right? Then what did you do to become an unsuccessful one? Your intelligence enabled you to get that successful job, right? Why does your intelligence disable you now in trying to get a new one? You gave the answer in one of your other posts, and it boils down to this: While everything around you changed over the years, you've stayed the same.

Do you really think that a person who is LIVING this needs to go back and read posts? Do you think maybe that there is MUCH more that hasn't been written here? Your solution is for him to figure out what he did that caused his company to be downsized and practically the whole industry to be wiped out? What did he do to become unsuccessful? His intelligence disables him? It's all his fault because he didn't look into the future and predict what was coming before it got here. Must be great to be so superior that you know what is going to happen before it happens so you can always make the right and best choices. You're right, what needs to happen is Cybermancer should thoroughly whip himself mentally for his failure to accurately predict the future. I can't wait to read more of your brilliance.

Gerard V wrote: Secondly, I will probably be the only person to say this, but remember this: You ARE just like the other homeless people you meet now, you just look different. Homeless is homeless... If you have no job, have no house, no car, etc., then you're just like the that no job, no house, no car, etc. homeless woman you spoke about in your other post. Again, the only difference is that you might be cleaner, better dressed, etc than she is, but other than that, you're situation is the same. It's an interesting mindset, actually, because on one hand you refuse to be "homeless like them", yet a big fear of yours is going on a job interview hoping the interviewer doesn't think you're homeless! The second you realize (or convince yourself!) that you are homeless, irregardless of your outward appearance, then when you go on your next interview, you can focus on what enabled you to get those successful jobs before.

There is a reason you're the only person that is going to say that. It's stupid. Cybermancer isn't panhandling on street corners. He's not sleeping under a bridge. He hasn't abandoned his family. He is doing everything he can, including baring his soul to clueless, arrogant and insensitive individuals that can't even begin to comprehend what it's like to be in this situation. Perhaps a lot of other homeless people started of like Cybermancer and just got wore out and gave up trying. Sure there is that fear of being discovered. The shame and embarrassment which is just part of the struggle. Something that feeds the beast. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to fight through those things and put on your game face for that prospective employer. For you to proclaim that all that he needs to do "focus on what enabled you to get those successful jobs before." is the best of all. Your first point was that everything changed and Cybermaner didn't change. Now your second point is that all he has to do his remember what made him successful before. Brilliant.

Gerard V wrote: Third, I hate to break this to not only you but all the other posters who've said this, but unfortunately you are NOT helping out the homeless. Again, you've answered this question also in one of your posts, and that is the fact that YOU DO NOT FIT THE HOMELESS PROFILE that we all have. You're getting noticed because, again, you're outside the perception of the "lazy, drunk, wants to be there" homeless person we all have. Do you think the newspapers would have come knocking at your door if you were unkempt, smelly, scruffy, etc.? Honestly, you know they wouldn't. But, you actually are in an EXCELLENT position right now to do so. I can give you examples, but this is getting long enough!


Do you have ADD? You can't seem to remember what you have written from one paragraph to the next. In your second dictum you wrote: You ARE just like the other homeless people you meet now... But then your third point you declare: YOU DO NOT FIT THE HOMELESS PROFILE that we all have. Cybermancer is helping the homeless challenging that profile many people have about the homeless. He's helping by describing in no uncertain terms how totally inadequate our programs for the homeless are. He's helping because many people will look at the homeless and wonder if they didn't start out like Cybermancer and just ended up under the bridge after the system and society failed them. Again, if you have all the answers and examples then I suggest you fire up that blog of yours and let the world know about them.

Gerard V wrote: Finally, just remember this, and hopefully you'll understand and take it from there...

You know how you made money and you know how you lost money, so you know what you need to do and what you need to avoid in changing your situation. The great things you've said and done in your life are still with you. Use that to change your situation, also. After all, you've done it before...


Yes, finally you're done. Where is that solution of yours that you promised? You have offered nothing here but empty rhetoric. Not one single substantial suggestion. You are just like all of the talking heads that love the "issue" of combating homelessness, but won't allow a shelter in their neighborhood. It's clear that you know absolutely NOTHING about what it's like to be in this situation. All of your theories and beliefs aren't going to solve the problem. Placing the blame on the victim isn't going to solve the problem. Simple minded platitudes like "you have everything you need to succeed, all you have to do is just "focus" and do it" isn't going to get it done. Like Cybermancer wrote. Just shut up and do something.
 
Emperor Bob - You rock. I read gerard v comment yesterday and I was also astounded at the rambling stupidity that was his comment. Cybermancer is baring his heart to the world, trying to get out of his rut, and gererd v comes along and says 'it's all your fault, so fix it' he is very much the kind of person 'that love the "issue" of combating homelessness, but won't allow a shelter in their neighborhood' I agree with you Bob, Cybermancer is at least trying to make his life better, and jerks like gerard v are the ones who make it so difficult for any homeless person to get their life back.

Cybermancer - Don't take mindless peoples advice, do what's right for you and your family. Again I hope everything turns out in the end.

;)
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
Emperor Bob and 20 Questions... Really quick...

1) How did you help him?

2) You bashed my solution so very eloquently, but how arrogant can you possibly be to use this man's space for your own agenda and not EVEN provide a solution to his problem? "don't wrestle with pigs. All that happens is you get dirty and the pig enjoys it". Did you enjoy yourself? I know you feel better, so not that both of us feel good, let's help this guy out. If my answers are INSUFFICIENT in your mind, than provide him with a SUFFICENT one.

3) he is very much the kind of person 'that love the "issue" of combating homelessness, but won't allow a shelter in their neighborhood... So, you accept homeless shelters in your neighborhood with open arms? What's your limit? 5? 10? 1? How many homeless shelters would it take to solve your area's homeless problem? THAT is YOUR solution? I'M the kind of person that thinks there shouldn't be a homeless problem at all.

4) I read the comments from Gerard V earlier in my day and declined to respond. I figured there was nothing to be gained from it. I remember the words of my Grandpa. Do you realize now what your Grandpa meant by what he said, and that you should have listened to him? Do you realize that you are both pigs? In one post, you've gotten yourself dirty and you enjoyed it, didn't you?

So... Hopefully you are finished trying to make me look like a fool and are ready to start on helping. If you want, you can first let me know what I said that was correct and/or what your ideas are on getting this man out of his situation! I'm sure you'd agree that it would much more constructive, right?
 
Oh, I can't contain myself sometimes...

20 Questions, does this sound familiar?

Cybermancer - Don't take mindless peoples advice, do what's right for you and your family. Again I hope everything turns out in the end.

A person who is mindless speaks mindless words. You mock what you do not understand, just like you think HOPING somebody turns out ok in the end doesn't really DO anything to HELP somebody turn out ok in the end.

Ponder this if you wish, but be careful if you wish to answer it. You don't want to come across as mindless, do you?...

"Do you believe that you control your own destiny?"
 
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Dear Cybermancer,

Keep it up. You will soon find a job, money will flow in just as hapiness will.

The most important thing is: keep in touch with your children and family. They need you as much (and even more) than you need them.

Believe me, a year from today all will be OK. Someone will have proposed you a job and you will be fine. You will have a job, a home and a family once again.

It's cyclical, but it simply can only get better.

Wait and see.

A year from now you'll be looking for me.

Cheers,
AZ
 
Dear Cybermancer,

Keep it up. You will soon find a job, money will flow in just as hapiness will.

The most important thing is: keep in touch with your children and family. They need you as much (and even more) than you need them.

Believe me, a year from today all will be OK. Someone will have proposed you a job and you will be fine. You will have a job, a home and a family once again.

It's cyclical, but it simply can only get better.

Wait and see.

A year from now you'll be looking for me.

Cheers,
AZ
 
Cybermancer,

In one year's time the Beast will be tamed.

You will have a home, a reunited family (stay close, very close to your children) and a job that will make you wealthy.

You will probably be contacted by someone in the movie business who will offer you to translate your story into a script. Then the movie will be shot.

If this happens, contact me.

Time has come for you to be happy. Time has come for you to take for what you have given.

It can only get better.



AZ from a friend
 
To gerard v,
I will not respond to you again after this. To quote you 'A person who is mindless speaks mindless words. You mock what you do not understand, just like you think HOPING somebody turns out ok in the end doesn't really DO anything to HELP somebody turn out ok in the end.' First off I was homeless when I was younger with my family. We were bouncing around from shelter to shelter for 6 months. That fact that we were homeless was by no means our fault, in any way. My father made no mistakes or errors of judgement, and neither did my mother. We were victims of downsizing as were all the other families affected by that. We could not control that part of our destiny. The way you are putting it, you a basically saying Cybermancer is homeless by his own doing, and he should look back to see where he went wrong. Sometimes you cannot control what happens. By no small means my family survived and prospered, with no help from anyone else. You remind me of the social worker we had to deal with. He said pretty much the same things you said, all the while sitting in he plush office, leather chair, with his #1 Dad mug on his desk beside the typical family photo in front of the picket fence house. The main thing I remember is the look in his eyes, that look of false concern. He did not care if we made it or not, but he felt like a better person for being able to say he was a social worker. Although you spout words of encouragement you are the one who does not understand. What kind of help have you given him other than to say, this is your fault so fix it.

As for my help, I can't tell him what to do, and I can't try and fix his life. Cybermancer must do that himself, but I am not saying anything is his fault. As for hoping everything will turn out ok, well sometimes you have to go on faith and faith alone. I can't do anything for him except hope and pray, helping him is unfortunatly not in my power. So I offer support instead, not critism. If you critise me for my faith you are a smaller person for it.

In answer to you question about destiny, it's half and half. You cannot control destiny, but evey now and them you must give it a hand. If you think you can control it you led a privilged life, and never had to scrape the bottom of the barrel before. Because of my past I help at my local shelters and some of those people want advice and some only want support and a warm smile. For each it's different and I never asssume that they are there just on their own doing. Sometimes destiny gives you a nice kick in the ass for no particular reason. The real test in life is not how many time you can keep from falling, it's how many times you can pick yourself back up.

I do not think ill of you, but I do think you view the world through arrogent and superior eyes. You may say that you don't think you know everything, but you only say that because you do think you know everything, but you don't want people to hate you because of it. I pose a question for you, how many times in your life have you helped those less fortunate with no agenda of your own, and if you have can you honestly say you know what they are going through?

Cybermancer - I apologise for using your blog to have a debate with someone, and from now on I will only comment to you about you. As I said before sometimes you just have to have faith, things will get better as long as you believe that.

;)
 
First of all to Cybermancer: I apologize for wallowing with the pigs in your blog. You don't need me or anyone to defend you from this kind of garbage. However Gerad represents the very worse kind of person that is an obstacle to solving not only homelessness, but every social problem. His arrogance and total lack of compassion for fellow human beings blinds him to the fact it is possible to be a victim of circumstances beyond our control. Once you fall off the grid so to speak it's extremely difficult to climb back on and regain your footing. I've been there and done that. I KNOW what you're going through Cybermancer, and obviously Gerad does not.

Gerard V said: 1) How did you help him?

I'm helping him the only way I can. I'm reaching out to him as another human being with compassion, understanding and encouragement. I'm letting him know that there are people out here on the other end of his blog that are listening and care.

Gerard V said: 2) You bashed my solution so very eloquently, but how arrogant can you possibly be to use this man's space for your own agenda and not EVEN provide a solution to his problem? "don't wrestle with pigs. All that happens is you get dirty and the pig enjoys it". Did you enjoy yourself? I know you feel better, so not that both of us feel good, let's help this guy out. If my answers are INSUFFICIENT in your mind, than provide him with a SUFFICENT one.

Gerard, you didn't offer ANY solution. What you did is what people like you always do. You placed total responsibility on the individual not only for getting out of the situation but for getting into the situation in the first place. You make yourself morally superior and disavow any social responsibility for either the cause or the solution. The saddest part of it all is that people like you actually believe that your 'opinion' is in fact a solution. All you do is heap on the guilt, increasing the burden, feeding the beast. Then you walk away with the satisfaction of feeling you 'helped'.

Cybermancer doesn't need my opinion (or yours) about what he should or shouldn't do. Unlike you, I'm not so arrogant as to believe that I can provide him with a solution based on what I've read here. Unless you can provide him with a job with a decent wage that he can support his family with, I don't think you have a solution for his plight either.

Gerard V said: 3) he is very much the kind of person 'that love the "issue" of combating homelessness, but won't allow a shelter in their neighborhood... So, you accept homeless shelters in your neighborhood with open arms? What's your limit? 5? 10? 1? How many homeless shelters would it take to solve your area's homeless problem? THAT is YOUR solution? I'M the kind of person that thinks there shouldn't be a homeless problem at all.

Yes, I would accept a shelter in my neighborhood. No, shelters aren't THE solution. Shelters are an act of compassion to get people off the street. Nobody in America should be sleeping on the streets. And yes, I agree that there shouldn't be a homeless problem at all. I disagree that it's entirely the homeless fault for being homeless. I don't think it matters who's fault it is. What matters is that homelessness happens for a whole range of reasons, from natural disasters and bad luck to substance abuse and disabilities. To think that there is ONE solution for homelessness is as idiotic as thinking there is one cause. To think that shelters shouldn't be a fundamental part of any solution is simply ignorance of the nature of the problem in the first place.

Gerard V said: 4) I read the comments from Gerard V earlier in my day and declined to respond. I figured there was nothing to be gained from it. I remember the words of my Grandpa. Do you realize now what your Grandpa meant by what he said, and that you should have listened to him? Do you realize that you are both pigs? In one post, you've gotten yourself dirty and you enjoyed it, didn't you?

Yes, Grandpa was right. I knew he was right when I decided to post anyway. But, you aren't the point any longer. You are just representative of all the other pigs in the world that think like you. Sometimes there is no choice but to get into the mud and wrestle with the pigs. No, I don't enjoy it. Yes, I feel dirty from having to do it. The difference is that once I'm done here, I'll leave you to continue wallowing in the mud. That's what pigs do.

Gerard V said: So... Hopefully you are finished trying to make me look like a fool and are ready to start on helping. If you want, you can first let me know what I said that was correct and/or what your ideas are on getting this man out of his situation! I'm sure you'd agree that it would much more constructive, right?

I didn't try to make you look foolish. You did that all by yourself. I just pointed it out. I thought perhaps you might see how ridiculous you were being, but apparently I gave you more credit than you deserve.

Cybermancer is taking charge of his life, and doing anything and everything he can think of or possibly do to improve his situation. I don't think he expects anyone to solve his problem for him. If someone can offer real - substantial - help in any way, I'm sure he would welcome it. The fact that you still seem to believe that either of us can 'solve' his problem by posting to his blog is just further evidence of your total lack of understanding of the problem.
 
20 Questions... We'll just have to agree to disagree, but if you have no problem with it, then please allow me to have the last word (in other words, I'll answer your question!)

Everything in life has a Ying & Yang, Good & Bad, Hot & Cold, etc. That is the way I think and feel. The problem I have sometimes is overanalyzing things and making a decision. And sometimes it's evident in my words. Your words, though, are completely one-sided. There is no balance to anything you've said. There is not ONE positive thing in your response about me all it's own. If there is one it's immediately followed by a negative statement. "Arrogance" is defined as "overbearing pride evidenced by a superior manner toward inferiors". Isn't that more you than me?

You think I'm mindless, and I'm sure you feel you have a mind, so you must think I'm inferior to you, right? You THINK you know that I think I lord over you. You THINK you know what my intentions were (The way you are putting it, you a basically saying Cybermancer is homeless by his own doing), you THINK that I was never homeless myself. You THINK that I have millions of dollars in the bank. You THINK that people owe you something. You THINK that when something BAD happens it's "that guy's" fault, but when something GOOD happens it is your doing. You THINK that "critism" is a bad thing because you accused me of it, but when you re-read my original message I never said anything negative. You THINK that any help you give should be done so selflessly because you do one thing selflessly.

It is arrogant to pick apart one person because you didn't like what he said. It is arrogant to read something, NOT understand it or disagree with it, and then show that person ALL the bad things about it that you didn't understand or misunderstood. It is arrogant of you to use your own personal story to try and make me feel worse about myself because you think I've never been homeless or poor in my life. It would be arrogant of you to feel an instant gratification and "stick it to me" if I apologize to you for "not knowing you were once homeless" but be appalled and fuming at me if I would DARE challenge your point about your family having nothing to do with that particular situation. It is arrogant to accuse somebody of giving false concern when you feel justified in merely saying the words "I hope everything works out" and expect everyone to just know that you're sincere. It is arrogant to take somebody's statements as totally negative when that same person said that he was being totally positive. It is arrogant to pity somebody with an unprovoked "I feel no ill will towards you" and then in the SAME SENTENCE belittle somebody by pointing out what's WRONG WITH THEM (hmmm... isn't that what YOU accused ME of?). It is arrogant to assume that because one person got nothing out of something that NOBODY could get anything out of it. It is arrogant of the poor or "underprivledged to (this is a DOUBLE-NEGATIVE!) despise the rich or "privledged" because you have never been one of them, yet at the SAME TIME you despise the rich or the "privledged" for the way they flaunt or snub their noses at the poor or "underprivledged". It is arrogant to lump these people into a group based on your own experiences or beliefs. It is arrogant to believe that the statement "The real test in life is not how many times you can keep from falling, it's how many times you can pick yourself back up." would provide an answer or solution to a problem, while then not considering that this statement "The real test in life is not how many times you can keep from falling or how many times you can pick yourself back up, but figuring out why you keep falling in the first place so you will never fall again." could actually be better. It is arrogant to disregard the fact that the first statement enables you to never think you're doing anything wrong, ever, and that it's the friggin' horse's fault and not that "I can't ride a horse, the saddle is broken, the horse doesn't want to run, etc.". It is arrogant to disregard the second statement because it places the focus of the problem on the rider just because he could fall 3 times and then realize that it was the fact the HE didn't secure the friggin' saddle in place. And lastly...

It is ARROGANT of you to say that YOU know what I was implying in my original post and that you speak for my words and interpret them in any matter you wish. And as such, feel you need to inform the person that I was directing it to that THEY should dismiss it just because it doesn't meet your INTERPRETATION of what's good advice. THAT is arrogance.

The answer to your question, by the way, is: Yes. I do it all the time. I did it for him with my post, but you felt the need to insert your two cents into it for your own agenda, did you not? Did my message help him in the end? Well, he did write a little note on his blog about what I said, but the only way we'll really know is if we ask him.
 
First off, I'd just like to say that a lot of people will say that this "thread" is getting out of hand, but debates like these need to go on (as long as it's not out of hand like hundreds of them!) for not only myself or the other participants, but for anybody else who is interested. I've learned a lot of things already, which I'm grateful (yes, that means both Emperor Bob and 20 Questions!), and I hope they have as well.

Now, Emperor Bob... Got three quick questions...

1) Do you always say one thing and do just the opposite, or is this just a "special case"? You said you didn't want to post anything, but you did. You said you didn't want to make me look foolish, and then you explain why I am foolish anyway (I'm an obstacle, I'm the problem, etc.)

2) Do you always think your way is always right and if it's not what you want or think then everybody else is wrong? The reason I ask is because, and this just baffled me and was wondering if you caught it yourself, you said that you KNEW what your Grandpa said was right, but you did what you wanted to do anyway. I mean, who's wrong here... You... or your Grandpa? You're not gonna tell my you think you're BOTH right, are you? If you do, you prove MY point! Same with when you claimed that my answer was insuffcient and I asked you for a suffcient one, and your reply was he doesn't need ours or whatever. Sort of a twist, but if YOU don't have the right answer then NOBODY can? Oh, that's right... If YOU don't think it's a right answer, then it must be arrogance. Or is it arrogant to think that only YOU can have the right answer?

LASTLY... Since you've basically contradicted yourself in both of your posts, I KNOW you won't be able to follow instructions, but I'll try anyway...

3) Without YOUR interpretation, without YOUR own opinion, without YOUR slant, and even without YOUR wanting it to be, answer this question.... Please show us all, verbatim, as the words are written, where I said point-blank: "I don't think it's possible FOR ANYBODY to be victim of circumstances beyond their control", "I believe that ALL PEOPLE HAVE total responsibility, individually, for getting out of the situation and/or for getting into the situation in the first place", "I'm always right!", "Cybermancer caused all his problems, ONLY he caused them, you are the only one to blame!" and lastly, "I HAVE AM YOUR SOLUTION!"

Re-read my post again. You WILL NOT FIND ANYTHING that says that. But you will find this:

"So, let me be the first person to provide you with your solution... You."

YOU ARE SO ARROGANT THAT YOU ACTUALLY TOOK A STATEMENT THAT I SAID AND CONTORTED AND MANIPULATED IT INTO YOUR OWN SICK, NEGATIVE THINKING.

You know what... Why don't you step up to the plate and tell the whole blog why telling somebody that THEY ARE THE SOLUTION TO THEIR PROBLEM means, in your mind, that you think it means THEY ARE THE CAUSE OF THEIR PROBLEM.

I NEVER ONCE said that I have the answer to his problem, that it's MY IDEA, NOBODY KNOWS THIS, and GIVE ME CREDIT FOR IT. NEVER! SHOW ME WHERE I DID, and sir... I'll show you the NUMEROUS times where I said that his solution was the one that HE CAME UP WITH. I TOOK NO CREDIT for IT. NONE! YOU took it upon yourself to credit me with adding to his PROBLEM, but you never mentioned the fact that I said that HE WAS THE SOLUTION TO HIS PROBLEM BECAUSE HE PROVIDED THEM TO HIMSELF WITH HIS... OWN... WORDS... NOT MINE. Not ONCE did I end any sentence that had a negative connotation with a PERIOD. They ALL ended in QUESTION MARKS. BIG DIFFERENCE, wouldn't you say?

Like I said before... maybe you misunderstood or didn't understand what I was saying, so you had four choices... A) Agree with me, B) Disagree with me, C) Research or find out what I said or D) Ask me to clarify.

Which one do YOU think that YOU chose to do?
 
Do you know what would REALLY be sad, Emperor Bob (other than hearing you try to explain why you feel the need to self-entitle your self Emperor)?

I really don't know why you thought that my post was for you rather than Cybermancer. You seem to think that you somehow have part-ownership of my words when I never knew you at the time and, to be honest, it wasn't for you. The entire message never mentioned you or anybody else, so why do you feel the need to butt in with your two cents? The entire message dealt with only two people (Cybermancer and myself) for one situation (Cybermancer's).

It is you, Emperor, that is the obstacle, not I. You've made yourself an obstacle in a One-on-One conversation that you have no idea if it will work or will not work. Don't you see this? Did you even ask yourself why Cybermancer thought to single out my message that was for him on his main blog? Would you humble yourself and not only apologize but maybe even consider what I proposed as a rememdy if Cybermancer's situation turned around and he made it a point to say that my message was a major reason for it? You'd be the FIRST to rub my nose in it if it was the reverse, wouldn't you?

DISCLAIMER: If the last part comes true I do NOT want any credit. My solution for Cybermancer was that he wrote down his solution in his blog and just pointed it out to him. If it does come true, then only HE deserves credit.
 
Gerard V said...1) Do you always say one thing and do just the opposite, or is this just a "special case"? You said you didn't want to post anything, but you did. You said you didn't want to make me look foolish, and then you explain why I am foolish anyway (I'm an obstacle, I'm the problem, etc.)

Well, I didn't say one thing and do another. 1)My initial judgement was not to respond to you because my instinct told me that this is exactly the way it would play out. In spite of that, I chose to respond anyway because I couldn't let your statements and opinions go unchallenged. That is a weakness I have. 2)I didn't say I didn't want to make you look foolish. I said you made yourself look foolish, all I did was point it out. But in general, I would say I have ongoing internal discussions with myself about how should or shouldn't respond at any given time.

Gerard V said...2) Do you always think your way is always right and if it's not what you want or think then everybody else is wrong? The reason I ask is because, and this just baffled me and was wondering if you caught it yourself, you said that you KNEW what your Grandpa said was right, but you did what you wanted to do anyway. I mean, who's wrong here... You... or your Grandpa?

Grandpa was right. I wrestled with a pig, I got dirty and the pig is enjoying it. I decided to wrestle with the pig knowing the results anyway. Was that the right choice? So far it's not looking like it, because I haven't accomplished anything here other than apparently waste my time and effort.

Gerard V said...You're not gonna tell my you think you're BOTH right, are you? If you do, you prove MY point! Same with when you claimed that my answer was insuffcient and I asked you for a suffcient one, and your reply was he doesn't need ours or whatever. Sort of a twist, but if YOU don't have the right answer then NOBODY can? Oh, that's right... If YOU don't think it's a right answer, then it must be arrogance. Or is it arrogant to think that only YOU can have the right answer?

I don't think you gave an answer or solution at all. Nothing right or wrong about it. It's non existent. To simply say "you are the answer to your problem" isn't an answer. And I still maintain, that at best all that any of us can offer at this point is perhaps suggestions or ideas. None of us here know nearly enough to give absolute answers or solutions for cybermancer.

Gerard V said...
Like I said before... maybe you misunderstood or didn't understand what I was saying, so you had four choices... A) Agree with me, B) Disagree with me, C) Research or find out what I said or D) Ask me to clarify.

Which one do YOU think that YOU chose to do?


Perhaps I did misunderstand your intention. But the responsibility for clear communications rests with the speaker. I didn't take things out of context and deliberately twist things to suit my purposes. What motivation would I have for that? At leas one other person here also misunderstood your post here. How many others that read it and didn't respond at all?

Here is what you wrote in your closing paragraph:

Gerard V said...You know how you made money and you know how you lost money, so you know what you need to do and what you need to avoid in changing your situation. The great things you've said and done in your life are still with you. Use that to change your situation, also. After all, you've done it before...

To me that that paragraph says that you believe cybermancer is totally responsible for being in this situation and totally responsible for getting out of it. No where do you acknowledge that the circumstances have changed tremendously over time (specifically the lack of good paying jobs in the graphics field). You don't acknowledge that the "lost money" was really a lost job that wasn't fault. Can you at least see where maybe somebody that didn't know your intentions may not understand your writing the way you say you intended?

Gerard V said...Do you know what would REALLY be sad, Emperor Bob (other than hearing you try to explain why you feel the need to self-entitle your self Emperor)

It started off as a joke with my kids. We'd have these far ranging political discussions where I would propose the "perfect" solution to some world problem and then say .... If I was only Emperor for the day I could set the world right. Then when I was working on the development of a local online community I signed off on one of the rules pages as Your Benevolent Dictator, Emperor Bob. You can just call me Bob if you are more comfortable with that.

Gerard V said...I really don't know why you thought that my post was for you rather than Cybermancer. You seem to think that you somehow have part-ownership of my words when I never knew you at the time and, to be honest, it wasn't for you. The entire message never mentioned you or anybody else, so why do you feel the need to butt in with your two cents? The entire message dealt with only two people (Cybermancer and myself) for one situation (Cybermancer's).

This is a public forum, one to many, not one to one. If you meant it to be private then perhaps you should have selected a private mode to deliver it. If I heard you berating a homeless man on the street, I would probably step in with my two cents there as well. I'm not going to stand by and let what I believe to be harmful and hurtful comments go unchallenged. Call it another one of my character flaws if you like.

Gerard V said...It is you, Emperor, that is the obstacle, not I. You've made yourself an obstacle in a One-on-One conversation that you have no idea if it will work or will not work. Don't you see this? Did you even ask yourself why Cybermancer thought to single out my message that was for him on his main blog? Would you humble yourself and not only apologize but maybe even consider what I proposed as a rememdy if Cybermancer's situation turned around and he made it a point to say that my message was a major reason for it? You'd be the FIRST to rub my nose in it if it was the reverse, wouldn't you?

I don't feel as if I'm an obstacle at all, and if I am, I am confident that cybermancer would say so. I've emailed him privately so he has my email address. You found my blog, so I'm sure he could as well. As I said, if you desire a private exchange, I suggest you use a private medium.

Why would I rub your nose in anything? I don't have anything to prove here. I don't have anything at stake. I don't care what you think of me, nor do I think you should care what I think of you. Your remedy is nothing new or unique. People that haven't been homeless say that sort of stupid crap all the time, as if people can just will themselves out their situation. This isn't about you Gerard, I'm sure you are a very nice guy, and in your own way really care about cybermancer and his family. The thing is that it seems pretty obvious you know absolutely nothing from first hand experience about being homeless or battling depression. If you did, I don't think you would write some of the things you have written, or at least not in the same manner.

Since we are having an exchange on my blog may I suggest that we end this exchange here. We're to the point that we are only talking about each other rather than topic at hand.
 
Good luck to you and your family. Hang in there. Great blog!
 
I hope that you and your family can keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel and the little successes that happen each day which bring you a little closer to "normal" life. Keep blogging.
 
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