The Id War
The Beast jumped me yesterday with a force that he hadn't used in a while. Even a few bars of "Faith of the Heart" and "Magic" didn't stop him Posting to the blog only slowed him down slightly. I almost gave up on all of it, packed our belongings and headed for Durham. I'm still feeling the aftershocks today.
My emotional shields went down faster than a skydiver without a parachute, and every negative emotion I'd had since embarking on this journey hit me like a tidal wave. I was mad that I'd been evicted in the first place, afraid I wouldn't complete our program and be able to move us into permanent housing, depressed that so many others have so much while we had to beg for help from strangers. Indignant at being treated as though my IQ were several dozen percentage points less than the general population*. Disgusted that the homeless problem is so big and the resources to address it are so small. And sad that the IHN volunteers at our church this week, St. Pius X, are working so hard to make us comfortable and I'm in my room locked in emotional combat.
When I went to bed last night, I was feeling to onset of a headache. When I woke up this morning, the Beast was slumbering in his corner, but my psyche was the worse for wear.
Must've been a helluva fight. Wish I knew what I did to win.
Or maybe the Beast won this time and I just don't know it yet.
*In point of fact, a test I took several years ago puts my IQ somewhere in the 150s. Nessie's may be even higher. I hope so.
I know, Mike you re not looking for riches, just the stability of house, home, job, and peace of mine that people once had in lifetimes past. Ahh, I m rambling here, I think there will be a referendum on the national illegal immigration situation. If it goes through, I dont know what will happen to the middle class. I need some spinach.
It's not because it reminds me how I might loose my posessions or how uncertain life can be, but because bad consequences are so indiscriminate.
Simply put, it terrifies me that such Bad Things happen to such Good People. It's naive to think otherwise I guess, but I also think it's human nature to surround ones thoughts with walls of ones own trivial problems, instead of peering into the horrors others around the world face daily.
But, alas, everything is relative, and we have the Beast in common. He too, is indiscriminate.
Infact, I'm being haunted by him frequently these past few weeks, as I'm out of a job in a society with an ever growing unemployment problem and my funds are running out - fast.
But here comes my point, finally, one thing I've found that diminishes His powers for me(much like your soundtrack) is the Goal.
My personal Goal is a steady job that pays my rent, my food and my bills. But to get rid of Him, I use a little extra seasoning. I'd like to wear a suit, or rather, I'd like a reason to wear a suit. That would make me feel proud.
I'd like to afford driving to work in my car instead of using public transportation, because I love to drive.
I'd like to meet a woman in a bar and be able to tell her I make an honest living, whatever it may be, and that I do it well.
So, when the Beast shows up, and screams in my ear about what a spoiled brat I am, how arrogant I am to insist on providing for myself and how stupid it is of me not to have gotten a college degree and made oodles of money by now, I flick the imaginary switch of the projector in my mind and watch The Goal.
So maybe, despite the world between us, thinking about the nice home you'll live in with your family a few weeks or months from now, the steady income you'll have, the freedom you'll have to bang the doors and watch whatever you want on your TV, will provide you with additional shackles for your Beast too.
I 100% believe that you feel you're at the fulcrum of the seesaw and I agree what I say is the HARDEST THING IN THE WORLD to implement, but it does work. I try to stress that my ideas and words might not work for everyone exactly as written, but there has GOT to be SOMETHING you can take from it! Since you do not have a blog of your own I'll analyze what you have written and if I'm off-base let me know!
You feel that you're in a dead-end job that pays pretty well but you find "boring" or something you would NOT want to do for the rest of your life. As such, you're looking for a career change that pays MUCH less but has no "dead-end" that you can forsee. Your quandry is that if you stay where you are you'll be miserable for the rest of your life, but if you change careers you'll get less pay and lose what you perceive as your "luxuries" that you've earned over the years.
So, based on that, I'll offer this advice, though it might be better if you told me what field you're in now and what field you wish to persue. I'll use "Finance" as your current field and "Technology" as your preferred field...
If you're in finance, then you have a TON of opportunities and options available to you. I would suggest first learning everything you could about companies in the Technology Sector and what they do (Yes, there has been much talk lately about what company is considered a "Tech Stock" and what isn't!) and also WRITING DOWN what those techies say and do to fix your PC on a daily basis. Also talk to them and pick their brain... Contrary to popular belief, us Computer Nerds LOVE talking about computers, and if you show a genuine interest they'll yap for hours on end.
Secondly, buy and read books about your interested field. Technology alone seems to have a BILLION different fields unto itself. I recommend, as an IT Consultant, that your best bet is to find a niche field that is in demand and pays well above your average tech field (right now, as much as this pains me to say this, Linux right now is a niche that is growing and is desperate for experts.) Keep in mind that every single field of industry requires constant knowledge of the latest technology to advance within your career. For example, Microsoft released ASP .NET 1.x (Web development programming language) in 2001. I studied and played with the .NET language in 1999 to prepare myself. I become somewhat of an expert in web security from 1999 to 2003, when in 2004 I shifted gears to ASP .NET 2.x, which implemented HUNDREDS of new features which made securing ASP .NET sites as simple as dragging the Login Control into a LoginView Control onto a webform.)
I'll continue this further tomorrow as it's 11pm EST and I'm going to bed!
Most HR folks don't understand this kind of situation.
Avolokitisvara... you've yet to let me know what you thought of my advice so far...
My IQ score had placed me (took it a couple of years ago, so I'm sure a few people have passed me by now!) in the 94th Percentile (only 4 "percentile" points away from being Mensa eligible!) Problem was that I made sure I knew it as well as everybody else who I came into contact with. That set me up for the one failure that I almost didn't see coming (I realized it at the last possible moment!), and that was the resentment and ignorance of those that I told about my IQ score! So, they tried to "get rid of me", so to speak. Now I rarely tell anybody about it unless they ask or if it will benefit me in certain situations. And the funniest thing of all is that... NOBODY believes me anyway! Yeah, I could so them the proof, but they still won't believe me anyway!
For me, personally, It's great to know that I am more intelligent than 93% of the population, but how would you convince somebody who's less intelligent than you that you are more intelligent then they are? I don't know and I don't care. Just by the responses to all of my comments on your blog alone I can tell you that if everyone thought I was an idiot before I told them my IQ score then they'll REALLY hate me now that they know what my IQ is (it's because they'll think I'm lying!)
Want a piece of advice, actually? Don't make your IQ known on your resume or to an interviewer... I believe it's still illegal in the US to hire or dismiss a potential candidate based on IQ scores!
"you know you are right when all is silent with the world" or..........."if you have nothing nice to say, its best to say nothing at all"- your call